I was up most of the night contemplating life.... again.
A lousy sexual encounter left me questioning.....again.
As the hours drifted on I wrote the most beautiful wedding vows and even composed the perfect song. This wasn't asleep, this was me daydreaming in the middle of the night doing what I do best....fantasising. Leaving the questioning and the contemplating behind and dreaming "eyes wide open".
Some things can be so simple yet so complicated at the same time.
Life, love, sex....
Everything starts out so easy. As a child life is a breeze, as a teenager love is around every corner
and sex??? well it doesn't get much easier than passion and fire ;)
How is it that we wake up one day to find it's all very complicated? Life is work, love is a choice and sex is very different when the fire goes out.
Perhaps it's all perspective? or "the mood of the day"?...
Reading my own blog yesterday, I was searching for a post on Spring (how could spring come and go, over these 3 years of blogging, and there be NO post from this lover of all things "springy"?).
Instead I found unknown treasure. Hidden within the countless posts bemoaning my miserable state of matrimony were a few well hidden but beautiful reminders of why I've chosen this man over and over again. They were posts about happiness and "falling back in love with my husband". Posts about the comfort, safety and peace I feel with him.
But today I can't find them. Seriously, I reread the same 6 posts and found NONE of the good.
How is it that I so easily forget the good and overshadow it with the hopeless???
How the hell can I read the same words I read yesterday and only this catch my eye today;
That is my life. The hope that spring will come soon
and I will thaw and
bloom like I did before the world went dark."
I've spent this morning traveling the trail of new music. I was trying to find the same excitement expressed in this article about Justin Timberlake and his song and video "Mirrors".
But it just didn't happen.
I may need to work on my love for JT because "it just ain't there" for me.
But "never fear" I can always find a jewel when it comes to music.
Today I found it in my weekly favorite, "My Movie Song of the Week" from "Super Marcey's Super Website".
How did she know I have an intimate connection to Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova??? :)
I fell head over heels, with this blending of perfection in voices, the first time I heard them sing "Into The Mystic"
This morning I "sailed" once again listening to them sing and feeling the music they wrote for the movie "Once".
I journeyed on unhindered, through the fog of their love and life collaboration, as I watched them share their "love story" in this video;
I was promised tears and the need of "a box of Kleenex" as I watched the JT video about his grandparents love, life and loss. But I didn't cry. I'm sure their love was deep and moving but personally I wasn't moved.
But my heart broke when Marketa said "for some reason it just wasn't meant to be"'. I felt a deep sense of loss watching the face of this man who obviously still loved the beautiful young woman sitting next to him.
If life were only like it "should" be then it would all end like a dream.
"Soul mates" would always sail away together into the mystic
and sex would always be passion.
Loving the music
(and the dream),