Hi guys! Long time no talk :(
I've been holidaying. Way too busy and glad it's finally fading.
Normal will begin again on Monday and I'm doing all I can to cram as much "non normal" into my few remaining hours. This a cherished time of year for me. A precious few weekends of "me" time.
BUT this weekend marks the end of deer season. Time is quickly ticking away and I am trying desperately not to think about this "new" year as a continuation of many, many "old" and unchangeable ones.
I thoroughly enjoyed a forbidden glass of wine with my dinner and this afternoon I treated myself to some movie heaven as I watched Les Miserables. This was my first time to see it and I am forever "smitten". A love affair has begun between "me" and the characters, their plight, anguish, fears and joys. A shared struggle between "law and grace" joins my soul with theirs.
It's a story as old as time. One that repeats itself generation after generation. Each of us playing a part in the grand opera of life. Equality, fairness, justice and ease are guaranteed to none.
The great question "why?" continues it's haunt.
I drink in movies like I do music. Some just roll off my back but the ones that touch me, touch me forever. Les Mis reached a place of ache in my soul that rivals that of Jean Valjean, a despair understood by few but shared beautifully by Anne Hathaway as Fantine.
It's after 3 in the morning and I'm sitting in the middle of my bed needing a shower and sleep.
I've fought a battle these past 2 days and though I've done all to include another in my "me" time, I have once again failed.
Slowly and with mounting despair I lost my battle against the deep dread of lonliness.
I can "dream a dream" but there is no escape from reality. Not only is my bed empty but so is my email. My text's go unanswered and I have once again begun to doubt what seemed so certain.
I sit with ear phones on, listening to YouTube performances of some of my favorite music hoping to find something that will make me smile. Everything from Memories with Susan Boyle, I Dreamed A Dream with Anne Hathaway, Shine with Collective Soul and Somewhere with Barbra Streisand (of course). Reaching out to Gnarls Barkley, James Taylor, Simon & Garfunkle & Norah Jones. My ever favorite Alison Krauss, The Rolling Stones, Santana, Robert Plant and Keane...
These are "life songs". Songs that have worked their way into the fabric of who I am and more importantly songs that touch the sore spots and threaten to wound rather than heal.
A wiser one than I would turn off the music, but I am the definition of "insanity". I will continue to do the same things, always believing for a different outcome.
Monday will be here soon enough. Hubby will be home, the holidays gone and I will settle into 'normal' one dirty toilet, load of laundry and grocery list at a time.
But for tonight "I Dream A Dream" and cherish my "Memories".
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