But you....

I have everything I need.
For the most part I have everything I want.
The last 2 days have been lovely. I have energy, motivation and a sense that all is well with the world (at least the corner where I live :).

Amidst the cleaning, planning and cooking for Thanksgiving tomorrow I've taken a couple of breaks. I sat on the porch. I listened to the birds, the dogs and the music from my open door. Perfection.
But you....

When we use the word "but" in a sentence it means that anything we said before the "but" is negated.
I'm careful when I use it. It shows the truth. It reveals what is hidden. The secrets of the heart.

But you....
I wish I could explain or even understand what it means or how I feel about it.
Would my life be perfection if I'd never met you? It certainly wasn't perfection before you. I was so aware that something MAJOR was missing. I was existing as a mirrored image of others. I had no clue what was missing. I had no clue I was missing. And then you :)
You brought the laughter and the freedom. With you I felt complete, content, peaceful and at rest.

But with you reality slips away, the lines get blurred and the things and people in my "real" life bring frustration. They are reminders of what I can't have. With you I have all the right feelings and none of the right reality.

Days of perfection are so great. But they aren't really perfect. It's just another illusion. Another way to cope.
I sit on the porch of my perfect life and think of you. I lay in my safe bed and dream of you. I'd give up all hope and go back to the old me....but you