I spent a lovely weekend with my husband these past 3 days.
He had a rare long weekend and we had few options. We could stay home for 3 days with our daughter and the 2 grands or leave. As much as we love all three of them, we are with them everyday and we look forward to our time away from the runny noses, the whining and the everyday world of toddlers.
This is a good place to say that we raised our FIVE without the daily help of grandparents or anyone else. Also a good place to say that we have only had 6 months of our 35 years of marriage without kids and grands moving in and out like a revolving door.
We've been talking about driving to the Houston area to look at a Mini Cooper for the past several months. I have the boys most weekends and it's rained every other weekend so getting away has been impossible. Determined not to miss the opportunity to 'escape' I made last minute reservations for a room and away we drove late Thursday night. I was fighting a recurring cold that the 3 year old and I keep exchanging and I wasn't feeling really great. We ate at Denny's then went to our room where I took a long, hot bubble bath and fell sound asleep. It was obviously not the romantic get-a-way we are used to BUT in the middle of the uneventful I found a quiet and peaceful place of rest.
It's been a long time since I felt the contentment that comes from years of being loved and understood by the same person. I've been fighting this so-called "ordinary life" for about 3 years. I've felt very discontent and bored. I've often felt the hopelessness of the mid-life mantra; "is this all there is??!!".
I dedicated an entire post to this subject on Sept. 3: "A Crossroad; Proceed with Caution!". In it I discussed the movie 'Hope Springs' and dissected a quote on the subject of "cheating".
From that quote I wrote; "Personally I question the 90/10 rule. Do "all the years that you have been with
each other", "the storms you have weathered together", "the many adjustments",
the "little quirks" and "the wealth of memories...as lovers" add up to 90% of
life? Am I the sum total of the years I've spent and the children I share with
this man? Am I willing to call that my 90%? How do I look forward to a future
that holds a chance of adding only 10% to who I am and who we are?"
This past weekend made me question again. Have I been underestimating the power of someone who knows so much about me? Have I been unwilling to admit the power of his love? He definitely knows my little quirks, knows how to push just the right "buttons" as a lover and is learning to accept the "new me" one step at a time. He loves me, and that ordinary/extraordinary love that comes from "years" and "adjustments" felt so good and safe. I was sick, a little cranky and not very energetic. He adjusted. He "knew" what made me smile, when I'd had enough, when I needed to eat, to rest....
It's been a long time and it feels sooo good to be content in my "ordinary" life of "loveliness".
"Alone In the World" barbra streisand