Somewhere along the way, you will meet someone who will be more charming or sensitive than the one you’re already with. More sexy. More thoughtful. Wealthier. Better in bed. And you will meet someone who will need you and pursue you and go crazy over you more than your significant other ever did. Because no one is perfect. Because your significant other will only have 90% of what you’re looking for. So, cheating happens when you look for the missing 10%.
But wait! Thats only 10% of what you don’t have. Don’t throw away the 90% that you already do! Add to the 90% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The many adjustments you have made to better understand each others little quirks. The wealth of memories that you have accumulated as lovers. The old sparks that can always be rekindled by the walk on the beach, barefoot and underneath the stars.
Cheating happens when you start looking for what you don’t have. But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already do. " (author unknown)
I've thought about it alot. I'm still thinking about it.
I just came from seeing the movie Hope Springs. I went to see it by myself. There were lots of "old" couples there (my age :) and several groups of women. But I was the only single (or married person alone). My husband doesn't do sex in movies, (but I always bring a blanket....just in case :). This one was full of sex or at least a lot of talk about it with a little action. Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones and Steve Carell were all in it and they did a super great job!
Meryl Streep plays a lonely woman who desperately wants to connect with her husband after a 31 year, very stale, even disfuncional marriage.
I see her as fitting the 90%/10% rule. Long marriage, kids, home, life. No passion, no shared joy, nothing new to look forward too. A place in life where the road of the past and the 90% meets the future and the 10%. The place where people often ask "is this all there is?". The place where the years ahead are less than the ones behind. A place of crisis.
Personally I question the 90/10 rule. Do "all the years that you have been with each other", "the storms you have weathered together", "the many adjustments", the "little quirks" and "the wealth of memories...as lovers" add up to 90% of life? Am I the sum total of the years I've spent and the children I share with this man? Am I willing to call that my 90%? How do I look forward to a future that holds a chance of adding only 10% to who I am and who we are?
I've been at this crossroad for a long time. I've made many false starts and wrong turns, tried caution and threw it to the wind.
I tried to add excitement, action and hope to my life by trying to expand my horizons. But even in my "cheating" I felt cheated.
It is an effort in futility to try things like the "walk on the beach, barefoot and underneath the stars". I tried those for years only to learn that it's true what they say, "it takes two to tango". One person alone under the moon only makes the loneliness more paralyzing.
I've wandered this road for years watching time slowly come to a standstill.
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