It All Began

DANCE while you can...."I will not stand to the side and allow the MUSIC in
my HEART to fadeaway and die.
I will DANCE to my own LIFE SONG."

Monday, September 24, 2012

....and just like that.... it was over :).

Friday was a long continuation of days of darkness.
Saturday dawned and I was exhausted beyond words. The grands played outside and I sat quietly watching and refereeing as needed. As the morning moved towards noon I realized I was barely holding on by a thread.

It was my turn to cook for the big family dinner after church on Sunday. I had gumbo, potato salad and banana pudding on the menu. Everyone was invited and excited (we've been waiting impatiently for gumbo weather :). BUT the thought of hours of cooking and toddler watching was overwhelming.

I sent out an "I'm sorry" text to my kiddos. "It seems my desire far outweighed my ability. In other words I'm not cooking.", and then I cried tears of defeat.
Both daughters and daughters in law sent the same return messages, "no problem! I understand completely!!!" and they do :).
Baby brother (my 25 year old son) was disappointed but his wife set him straight real fast :).

Once the text was sent and the responses came in I was greatly relieved!
We ate lunch on the porch, took quick baths and LONG naps. I slept for an hour and a half, and then  made my way to coffee and couch time.

and just like that.... it was over :).

As if someone turned on the light...the darkness was gone.
No more depression. No more exhaustion. No more numbness, sadness, anger or defeat. was all gone :). and I am so very, very grateful.

Evaluating the 10 days of depression, I realized that they coincided exactly with the days I was fighting allergies and a cold that the grands had. As the need for decongestants increased so did my depression.
I pulled out the paperwork on my meds and reread the side effects and interactions:
Yep, the meds I was taking for allergies was increasing the negative side effects of my anti depressant, including the troubling dreams, thoughts of suicide, increased agitation, etc, etc....

Somehow that makes me feel better. The thought that there was a reason why I went down so hard and so fast was reassuring. I am so ready to return to the years when I had occasional days of depression in an other wise good life -vs- a lifetime of depression with rare good days.
I felt I had turned the corner and was on the winning side of this 4 year battle. I still feel that is true.
This was a tough 10 days. But it was just a bump in the road.
I am ready to move on! I am ready to do more and be more.

Untied and ready to fly :)

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