"TELL ME WHERE".....?

"Oh tell me where. Where is that someone who will turn and look at me and want to share my every sweet imagined possibility?"


Once I discovered there was more, I wanted it all. I wanted someone who could and would want to share in all that I could be. I began the search for what seems to be the impossible.


Was it possible that there was one special someone? A completer? A soul mate? 
And if so, was it too late for me?


I didn't have to look any further than my own computer screen. One day I was a lonely, unfulfilled housewife and then he was just there. It was a combination that was sure to bring disappointment. But at the time I had no way to know or understand how deeply this truth would wound. Surely a love that had lasted over 35 years was meant to be. Surely he had opened the cage of my disappointments and we were meant to fly.
 I KNEW I was meant to fly. 


"What's wrong with wanting more? If you can fly then soar! With all there is, why settle for just a piece of sky?"


But he had flown before and knew the cost. His feet were planted firmly in the grounding of self control and mine just couldn't help but want to run.


The romance of the movies I watched muddied this water too. Like "The Notebook". Risking it all, waiting no matter how long for the perfect. But perfect for me would be to blend the security and unconditional love I already had with the dangers of the unknown all wrapped up in the "things that women dream".

So how to be free yet stay true? How to soar but be grounded is where I am stuck.

My days have little purpose because my life purpose is no longer clear. My faith has been challenged and lost. My music has changed. My clothes, hair & figure, though greatly improve and quite attractive, have no safe place to go to be admired and appreciated.    I simply am. 


"The more I live-the more I learn.
 The more I learn-the more I realize 
  the less I know.
 Each step I take-Each page I turn-
 Each mile I travel only means 
  the more I have to go."

So here I am. No answers. Many, many questions. Surrounded by so many, yet so very alone.


"Train Wreck" Sarah McLachlan 
http://youtu.be/-kxPxqqrxs0