It All Began

DANCE while you can...."I will not stand to the side and allow the MUSIC in
my HEART to fadeaway and die.
I will DANCE to my own LIFE SONG."

Thursday, September 15, 2011

And I won't be left out anymore.

It's a bit of an ongoing joke between a friend and I when I say, "I'm at a loss for words".
That usually means I have a million thoughts and words racing around my brain and I'm just at a loss of where to begin!!! :)

That's how I feel right now. So I may rattle on a little bit before I get her revved up and purring.

Here's a good place to start. I've been wanting to share this for months!

Did you know that the average person thinks 50-150 words per minute?
Interesting. 

Did you know that I think an average of 1200 words per minute? That's not a typo. 1200 wpm!!!
I learned this on my first visit to my therapist back in March.

I type fast, work fast, walk fast and talk fast. And I know that my mind races and I can sing 3 songs, talk, type, feed a baby and drive with my knees all at the same time.
Oh yeah, and text too!



According to said therapist: "for a woman to enjoy sex and achieve orgasm she must be able to clear her mind completely. Not so with men. This is why a woman's "mood" can change in just a moment. A crying baby, a wandering mind, a change in temperature.....all these can derail her. Not so a man."
I loved it. "Not so a man." Ya think?!!!
LOL!!! That was all for free.



So back to my 1200 wpm.
I think 400 wpm on a conscience level. The other 800 are sub conscience.

Since both my conscience and sub conscience are (or were when I started seeing him), 98% negative, twisted and confused I am considered in the medical profession as living in "torture".

All that good info was laying the ground work for my positive affirmations.

If you've heard my story you know that it took me weeks to come up
with my first one: I don't want to die.
Then more weeks for the next "You's is kind. You's is smart. You's is important." No ugliness intended. That's the way it was said in the movie and that's the way I can remember it, think about it and repeat it over and over and over.
My newest affirmation: I'm no quitter



My therapist was duly impressed. Says I'm making great progress. And I am. I can feel it deep inside. 
I don't know if the words per minute have slowed down but they don't scream failure, stupid, idiot, bad & worthless 24/7. 
I smile more. I sleep better. I still am at a half dose of medicine because my new doctor still hasn't bothered to call me back after my 2 trips to the emergency room and awful side effects.

I've been under the gun majorly from my husband lately. He is angry and out of control concerning my upcoming trip with my mom and sister. 
He has berated me, guilted me, accused me and tried to manipulate me.
But I won't be berated, guilted, accused or manipulated.
I'm going on my trip. I'm going to have fun. I'm going to drink beer. Lots of beer! Lots more than I would've if he hadn't made it a life or death, love or hate, stay or leave issue.

I don't know if we are leaving in the morning for our week of vacation down the coast going east. He isn't speaking to me yet. Isn't sleeping with me either and has moved his things into the other side of the house. 
A little overboard considering that all I insisted on was going on the girls trip, drinking one beer a night and dressing up in all my vintage finest to sit in a cow pasture with hundreds of other boot wearing, jewelry clad men and women listening to a band and oogling over what neat and outrageous costumes everyone is sporting. You kinda gotta be there to get it. But take my word it is just pure and simple fun. Good innocent fun. And I won't be left out anymore. 

"Love You Like A Love Song" selena gomez
http://youtu.be/LupeGtJ3a3E


"It's been said and done
Ever beautiful thought's been already sung
And I guess right now here's another one
So you melody will play on and on, with best we own
You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible
A center full of miracle, lyrical
You've saved my life again
And I want you to know baby


I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby


And I keep it in re-pe-pe-peat


Cursing me, boy you played through my mind like a symphony
There's no way to describe what you do to me
You just do to me, I've been rescued
I've been set free
I am hypnotized by your destiny
You are magical, lyrical, beautiful
You are...I want you to know baby


I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby


And I keep it in re-pe-pe-peat


No one can pause
You stand alone, to every record I own
Music to my heart that's what you are
A song that goes on and on


I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby


And I keep it in re-pe-pe-peat"


Everything in me wants to put on my "rebel dancer" shirt and black lace panties. Grab a lovely glass of wine and dance my cute little sexy body all over this house. But he threw out my wine (and my beer).
No problem. I can do sexy anyway.... elle

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