It All Began

DANCE while you can...."I will not stand to the side and allow the MUSIC in
my HEART to fadeaway and die.
I will DANCE to my own LIFE SONG."

Thursday, September 1, 2011

I'm under house arrest for DUID

I'm under house arrest. It seems that I have been seriously impaired by my new meds. So if I drove, which I don't think I can, I would be driving Under the Influence of Drugs. 

"I don't feel very good." I told my husband at lunch. "Would you check my eyes?"
So he got a pen and I got an in-house, field sobriety test which only lasted through the eye exam.

He's laughing, "You're plastered! If you need something wait for me to get home and I'll take care of it. DO NOT DRIVE!"

No arguments from me. I can feel that my head is kinda spinning and I'm really sleepy and I don't want to walk across the house, let alone drive. I just want a nap, but when I lay down the room starts spinning.
But I will have to drive sooner or later. My body and brain will adjust and make allowances for the side effects. I've always been very sensitive to medication and I'm very in-tune to my body. If something is off I know it. 

A few weeks ago I went out for a nice long dinner with a friend, my son, his wife, their 3 year old and 2 ladies from church. We were celebrating a birthday. 3 of us had a beer. We ate and talked for well over an hour. Then we drove to a local coffee shop where we drank coffee, ate cake and talked another 2 hours. Then I drove the 45 minutes home. I felt fine.
If I had felt like I feel now I would never have driven
OMG! You would have thought I drank a fifth of tequila, jumped in my car, sped home and hit 2 pedestrians in the process.

My husband was livid. How could I drink and drive? Why would I drink in front of our son? Didn't we agree that there would be no more alcohol and especially not in front of the kids?

Well first, our son is not a kid. He may be our baby but he's 24. He is mature, married, 2nd baby on the way, and NOT a heavy drinker.
Second, I was not drinking and driving. I had one beer. Waited over an hour drove 10 minutes and drank coffee for another hour and a half before driving home. And NO, I did not agree. I listened to you rant and rave, I gave my opinion on social drinking and how it applied to me and I made no promises and gave no indication that I was going to submit to your beliefs.

Fast forward 2 weeks. My husband is out of town overnight. I buy a 6 pack, bring it home and drink 2. I am home alone so no one to corrupt. It is  Friday night so I won't smell of alcohol when he gets home on Saturday (the smell makes him nauseous).
I did not drive, I did not do it in front of our kids, I did it when he wouldn't be offended by the smell.
Sounded perfect to me. NOT!!!!!!

When he came in early Sat. evening he went straight to the frig to see if the unopened bottle of wine I've had for over 3 months was still there. 

A total freak out followed!

It took 3 days before he could sleep. Which meant it took 3 days before I could sleep because of his pacing and agitation and constant attacks.
But I stood my ground. I had not done anything illegal or immoral. I am an adult. I can weigh the pros and cons of a situation and make an informed decision about my feelings and beliefs. I do not need nor will I continue to be controlled at every move I make without permission.

Several ugly, ugly confrontations later I was informed that he just didn't know what to do since I didn't love him enough to honor his request. And when was the old Elle coming back? To which I replied, "never. I don't want her back. She was unhappy and unhealthy. I don't know what the final me is going to be like but she will be able to think for herself, love and respect herself while also loving and respecting you."

More ugly words and a major, red faced screaming me that he later shared had scared him. And he was sorry that I had to go to such extremes to be heard.  

We were sitting at the table a couple of days ago. All has been forgiven. Neither of us really sure what's next. He hates alcohol, I love a good cold beer or a glass of red wine occasionally.
But we've been having fun again. Laughing, loving, sharing and close.
He looks at me and says "I think I'm going to like the new elle".
I think we all are.

"Getting Some Fun Out Of Life" billie holiday

"When we want to love, we love
  When we want to kiss, we kiss
  With a little petting, we're getting
  Some fun out of life

  When we want to work, we work
  When we want to play, we play
  In a happy setting, we're getting
  Some fun out of life

  Maybe we do the right things
  Maybe we do the wrong
  Spending each day
  Just wending out way along

  When we want to sing, we sing
  When we want to dance, we dance
  You can do our betting, we're getting
  Some fun out of life

  Maybe we do the right things
  Maybe we do the wrong
  Spending each day
  Just wending our way along

  But when we want to sing, we sing
  When we want to dance, we dance
  You can do you're betting, we're getting
  Some fun out of life."

Great song!!!!
No matter who you are;

"It's time to be getting some fun out of life"!!!
Have a great one and "remember not to forget me", elle

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