It All Began

DANCE while you can...."I will not stand to the side and allow the MUSIC in
my HEART to fadeaway and die.
I will DANCE to my own LIFE SONG."

Friday, July 27, 2012

Fools Rush In

It's a poem, a song, a movie. "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread". A truth that has been used, reused and rewritten "infinitas" since 1790.
Is it any wonder that I would stumble into it's web, again?

No one will know what a fool I can be or what foolish things I can do but you.
You hold so much power and possible amunition that can be used against me. I've always trusted you completely but... I'm faltering in that blind trust. I've needed you recently and you've turned your back to me.
I know you told me you were going to but foolishly I didn't believe it was possible.

The secrets of my life threaten to bury me. They were bearable when we both had so much to share and so much to hide. Now they are mine alone to bear and they are heavy.

Foolishly I cannot let you go.
Foolishly I shared that truth without the benefit of a purpose. For there is no purpose except the effort to share the burden. And I know you aren't sharing.
Foolishly I assumed (and was sooo mistaken) that at the end of my rope and asking for help that you would somehow care.
(When you said you were at the end of your rope I believed you and tried to find help.)
Foolishly I assumed you took my pleas seriously.
Foolishly I assumed you took my burdens and laid them at my husbands feet.
Foolishly I tried to reach you 3 times (in vain) and expected an immediate response. (that's nothing new)
Foolishly I assumed the worse, packed my bags and prepared to leave.

Do I feel like a fool???
Oh yes I do! I needed you today. If for nothing more than just a kind word.
But mostly because I believed your words, let you into my heart and keep you there.
I am a fool.

I was a sane woman until you.
I was lonely but I was sane.
For over 2 years I walked the edge and would've taken the fall for you.
I've lost my balance where you are concerned.
Everything is out of whack and I can't seem to get a handle on it.

Frank Sinatra sang these lyrics. It's like someone read my mind.
At least I'm not the only fool.

"Fools rush in
Where angels fear to tread
And so I come to you my love
My heart above my head

Though I see
The danger there
If there's a chance for me
Then I don't care

Fools rush in
Where wise men never go
But wise men never fall in love
So how are they to know

When we met
I felt my life begin
So open up your heart and let
This fool rush in"

And you did. You let me in just long enough for my walls to fall. And then you walked away.
I'm having a hard time forgiving you.
I'll never forgive me.
I am a fool in love trying desperately to get out.

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