The house is empty and quiet. I sit in my favorite chair. Windows to the outdoors are all open and the birds are thoroughly enjoying the fresh cut grass.
I was looking forward to a morning to myself to write and process. But my phone has been dominated by my mom and then my husband who called to ask if I was naked.
I am NOT naked. Not physically.
I am tormented. I am grieving. I am angry!!! I just want to be left alone! I don't want to talk to my mom about a trip to the lake. I don't want my husband to take me to lunch. I don't want him to come home for lunch. I WANT to drink beer, eat tacos at Fuzzy's and then take a nap in the bed of my truck at the water. That's where I want to be naked. In the back of my truck on a quilt in the sun.
I WANT.... to scream and curse and throw something!
I want to hate you! But the roots of this love have wrapped themselves around who I am. Pulling them out is more than I can bear. I want this pain to end and the tears to stop.
It's been too much and too long and too hard and I just want it all to end...
Make it end... please
make it go away